Tag Archives: Weight

Here We Go!

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I did it.  I weighed myself this morning, restarted my tracker with Weight Watchers and am ready to go. 

I feel better already, although I know most of that is the mental process of starting over. 

I feel optimistic this time, which is different.  I’m determined that I’m going to have a POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE.  I know from past experience that believing you can do something makes things so much easier.  I’m in this.  I’m in this hardcore.

I have about 40 lbs to lose, which sucks but it’s not the end of the world.  I want to be in control.  I want to feel hot and sexy again.  I want to be able to put on those denim capris that make my ass look wonderful and my thighs look tiny.  I want to be free.

Here goes nothin’ everything.

Take a Deep Breathe

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I need to figure shit out.  I’m sick and tired of feeling fat, ugly and lousy.

I’m just done thinking about how I’ve failed at every moment of the day.  The entire time I’m awake, all I can think of is how I’m gaining weight and how terrible I look.  I think AT EVERY MOMENT of my life about what I could do, what I should do, what I will do and what I won’t do.

I’M SICK OF IT.

I need to start now.  I need to stop ordering pizza cause it’s hot out and I don’t want to cook (last night).  I need to stop going for frozen yogurt because one of my room mate’s suggested it and I had recently read a review of it (Saturday).  I need to stop worrying about what other people are doing and just worry about me.  I need to make a choice.  Be fat and stop worrying about it or do something to fix it. 

In other words, put up or get up.

I’m going back to Weight Watchers.  I’m going back to Weight Watchers this week.  I will post my weigh in results and take some progress pictures.  I’m going to stick this out, dammit.  I want to be in control of me and my choices again because I cannot see my weight start with a “2” again.  I just can’t.  I worked so hard!  I can’t let it all be in vain.

One Day, I’ll Figure Out What’s Wrong With Me

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Why am I an eating machine on the weekends?

It’s so weird – I manage to stay on track all during the week, even though I’m busy and on the go.  I’m struggling so much lately and this morning I saw an EXTREMELY scary number on the scale.

I know that a lot of it is water weight from eating on the weekend and that tomorrow it will likely be significantly lower but still.  It’s upsetting.  I’m tired of feeling like my clothes are all too tight – tugging on them and feeling constrained is not fun.

I’m sick of this.  I’m sick of letting myself get out of control.

It always comes back to control.  I feel like I’ve got myself on some kind of leash all the time and then I take any opportunity to break free.  I think I actually plan for the times when I’m going to break away and do whatever I want.

Why can’t I “whatever I want” be the desire to sleep all day or ride my bike?  Why does “whatever I want” always come down to eating?  I really try to let go of a perfection mentality, but I can’t seem to lately.  I don’t want to beat myself up over mistakes, but I do anyway.  The entire time I’m doing so, I am reminding myself that I’m only human.

Maybe I really am crazy.  Maybe I need therapy.

In the meantime, I’m trying to recover from a weekend-long work meeting at a fancy hotel.  They fed us constantly and I took full advantage.  The food?  Wasn’t even that good.

The wine was though.

I felt even worse the second day of the meetings – I was hung over and feeling sick from the gross food the day before.  That didn’t stop me from trying to make myself feel better by eating. 

I make the same mistakes over and over and wonder why I don’t get different results.

I think that IS the definition of crazy (see above, I’m correct).

I have to get my act together.  I’m sick of feeling this way and I’ll be darned if I gain back anymore of my weight.  I want to at least maintain through December and then return to my goal weight next year.

If anyone has any advice on how I can do this, I’m all ears.