I did it. I managed to track (mostly) all week-long and I managed to step on the scale and not want to cry. I lost 4.8 lbs this week, which is pretty typical considering it’s the first week of this current endeavour. I usually lose a bigger amount the first week, then I can expect it to taper off and average out to about 1-2 lbs per week.
My goal for last week was not to drink any diet pop. As freaking hard as that was at times, I did it. I’m so effin’ proud of that because that stupid aspartame monkey on my back seemed present every time I opened the fridge. What’s different this time then the last time I stopped drinking diet pop, is that I have room mates now and I can’t ban certain things from the house. Last time, I simply stopped buying it and then it wasn’t around for me to choose from when I got thirsty. Now it’s still readily available and I’m telling you, it was tough.
My goal this week is to track everything – including Saturday and Sunday. This is where I fell down last week. I still tried to eat mind fully and carefully, but I stopped tracking. Oops. I’m trying to build/break habits one at a time. I don’t want to get overwhelmed. I would like to be close-ish to my goal weight by the time the Christmas season hits, which is a reasonable goal. I don’t want to head into the holidays with a ton of extra weight – I know there will be a small gain in December and I’d like to avoid having my weight begin with a “2” ever again.
I have some challenges this week – I’m making 240 cakepops for a friends Labour Day wedding. I know there will be cake available around every corner. I know that I will be tempted. My goal is only to sample one of the vanilla cakepops – the chocolate, due to an allergy, will not be a concern. That’s it. Wish me luck!
I did it. I weighed myself this morning, restarted my tracker with Weight Watchers and am ready to go.
I feel better already, although I know most of that is the mental process of starting over.
I feel optimistic this time, which is different. I’m determined that I’m going to have a POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE. I know from past experience that believing you can do something makes things so much easier. I’m in this. I’m in this hardcore.
I have about 40 lbs to lose, which sucks but it’s not the end of the world. I want to be in control. I want to feel hot and sexy again. I want to be able to put on those denim capris that make my ass look wonderful and my thighs look tiny. I want to be free.
I weighed myself this morning, as my official starting weight. I want to get back to my goal, or at least back to that goal “feeling”.
I don’t mind sharing how much I weigh – as of this morning, I am 174.6 lbs.
That means that since I stopped weighing in publically on my blog, I’ve gained almost 20 lbs.
It’s not the end of the world but it’s still not the greatest feeling. I liked the way my body felt at 155 lbs. I felt healthy! I felt invincible!
But the thing is, I’m pretty sure that the feeling of invincibility and health had nothing to do with what I weighed. It was a state of mind! I felt like a champion because I was working on something, I was accomplishing my goals and I was kicking ass at it. I think that’s why I’ve been basically at this weight since last Christmas.
It’s not about the twenty pounds. I’ve already done this. I’ve already lost weight and I’ve already been good at it.
My problem is, what now? What is my next step?
I feel like I can’t figure it out. The people who manage to keep their weight off seem to have to find a focus other than weight loss. The issue is that I have no idea what I want to make MY focus.
Really, I’d like my focus to be my life. Why is that so hard?