I need to figure shit out. I’m sick and tired of feeling fat, ugly and lousy.
I’m just done thinking about how I’ve failed at every moment of the day. The entire time I’m awake, all I can think of is how I’m gaining weight and how terrible I look. I think AT EVERY MOMENT of my life about what I could do, what I should do, what I will do and what I won’t do.
I’M SICK OF IT.
I need to start now. I need to stop ordering pizza cause it’s hot out and I don’t want to cook (last night). I need to stop going for frozen yogurt because one of my room mate’s suggested it and I had recently read a review of it (Saturday). I need to stop worrying about what other people are doing and just worry about me. I need to make a choice. Be fat and stop worrying about it or do something to fix it.
In other words, put up or get up.
I’m going back to Weight Watchers. I’m going back to Weight Watchers this week. I will post my weigh in results and take some progress pictures. I’m going to stick this out, dammit. I want to be in control of me and my choices again because I cannot see my weight start with a “2” again. I just can’t. I worked so hard! I can’t let it all be in vain.
This weekend was both amazing and horrible, all at the same time.
On one hand, I had a great time. My girlfriend and I managed to meet up with a ton of our friends. I got to sit on many a patio and have wonderful people surrounding me. I bumped in to people I haven’t seen in a while and I even managed to buy an awesome bag that I’ve been admiring on the internet for some time.
On the other hand, I ate and drank with far too much abandon. I kept justifying it too! I kept saying ‘well, I’ve been walking around all day’ and ‘I got up late and only ate two meals!’. None of which are lies, but none of which justifies eating ribs and nachos in the same day. Nor does it excuse drinking waaaaay too much beer.
I don’t know what to say besides that I’m starting over today? It’s so lame. SO LAME!! But all I can do is start over.
If I’m being really honest, I sort of knew that this weekend was going to be a debacle of epic proportions. I actually think that makes it worse, because it’s like I was planning on giving myself license to go off the rails IN ADVANCE. Something I hate doing.
Apologies and excuses are not going to get me anywhere. The only thing I can do is move forward.
So I’m moving forward. I will be weighing in tomorrow morning, taking that as my weight and having a good week. I’m committing to hitting the gym twice this week – once on Thursday and once on the weekend.
I have a wedding in eight weeks and I want to feel good when I dance the night away.