I compare myself to people all the time. I mean, ALL THE TIME. It’s such a horrible habit and one that I
think know contributes to not feeling great about myself.
Worse, sometimes I compare myself to MYSELF. As in, the person I used to be.
These two things are part of why I’m finding it impossible to get myself back into a gym routine. I don’t want to be out of shape!! I worked so hard to get in shape that the idea of starting from scratch is really daunting. It’s even worse this time because I know exactly what’s in store for me.
The first time I started exercising, I didn’t know that there would be days where I would have trouble walking up and down the stairs or sitting down on the toilet. I was oblivious to the coming consequences! ignorance really WAS bliss!!
Now I know. I know exactly what’s coming and I know how much it’s going to hurt. It’s preventing me from making the first, most important step back into the gym.
Worse, one of my roommates wants to go with me when I go.
It’s hard enough when I’m comparing me to me, it will be even worse to compare me to her. I know she’s in better shape than I am. And, as happy as I am for her, there’s part of me that resents the success she’s had over the last year or so. She’s taken off about 60 lbs since she moved in with me and looks fabulous. I feel like a terrible person because I’m so jealous! It’s not that I don’t cheer her success, I do! I just wish I was also having the same forward momentum.
There’s even a huge part of me that hates when she credits me for inspiring her and motivating her. I’m terrible, I know it and I’m trying to be ok with it.
I think the point of this post is that I feel bad. Really, really bad.
And I wish I didn’t.