Category Archives: Random Thoughts

Positivity!

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For some reason, I feel really positive lately.  I feel like I can do this.  I don’t have to be a psycho-weight loss commando, I just have to get up every day and do the best I can.

I know this is going to sound weird, but I think my newfound positivity can be traced back to me not drinking any diet pop.  I know that artificial sweeteners aren’t good for me, but for some reason I constantly under-estimate their ability to screw with my mind and body.

There is controversy as to how much of a problem it actually is, but I swear that I have less anxiety and panic now then I did a week ago.  Last night at the pub, I REALLY wanted a glass of Diet Coke but I resisted and this morning I feel great for the decision.  Seems like a stupid thing to applaud, but I reserve the right to be stupid.

I’m not doing so great on my weekly goal of tracking what I eat BEFORE I eat it – however, I have very little planned this weekend that will present a challenge, so even though I don’t have very many weekly POINTS left, I should be ok.  At least I feel like I should be ok, which is a nice feeling.

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Migraines Suck

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I have not been feeling very well this week – I had a run in with my old friend the migraine on Tuesday, which has left me feeling less than stellar for the remainder of the week.

In less depressing news, I’ve managed to stay on track through it all.  I did got to the pub on Wednesday and managed to order…pretty badly.  But!  I packed up half of my meal right away, which meant that I dipped a mere toe into my weekly points instead of going overboard and diving in whole hog. 

I’m going camping this weekend at a friend’s parents house in the country and I’m pretty nervous.  I sent them an email asking them if I could bring anything and their response?  ‘A big appetite’.  Awesome.

My plan is to track BEFORE I eat something and to try to stick to one small serving of stuff.  Plus, I know that for the most part it’s going to be good food – a green salad, corn on the cob, etc.  It’s the deserts I’m worried about – s’mores and raspberry-sour cream pie.  I can only do my best though – and I’m determined to see a loss on the scale on Monday morning.

Wish me luck!

The Comparisons Need to Stop

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I compare myself to people all the time.  I mean, ALL THE TIME.  It’s such a horrible habit and one that I think know contributes to not feeling great about myself.

Worse, sometimes I compare myself to MYSELF.  As in, the person I used to be. 

These two things are part of why I’m finding it impossible to get myself back into a gym routine.  I don’t want to be out of shape!!  I worked so hard to get in shape that the idea of starting from scratch is really daunting.  It’s even worse this time because I know exactly what’s in store for me. 

The first time I started exercising, I didn’t know that there would be days where I would have trouble walking up and down the stairs or sitting down on the toilet.  I was oblivious to the coming consequences!  ignorance really WAS bliss!!

Now I know.  I know exactly what’s coming and I know how much it’s going to hurt.  It’s preventing me from making the first, most important step back into the gym.

Worse, one of my roommates wants to go with me when I go.

It’s hard enough when I’m comparing me to me, it will be even worse to compare me to her.  I know she’s in better shape than I am.  And, as happy as I am for her, there’s part of me that resents the success she’s had over the last year or so.  She’s taken off about 60 lbs since she moved in with me and looks fabulous.  I feel like a terrible person because I’m so jealous!  It’s not that I don’t cheer her success, I do!  I just wish I was also having the same forward momentum.

There’s even a huge part of me that hates when she credits me for inspiring her and motivating her.  I’m terrible, I know it and I’m trying to be ok with it.

I think the point of this post is that I feel bad.  Really, really bad.

And I wish I didn’t.