Finding My Own Version of Normal

Standard

I’ve made a decision.

I’m only going to weigh myself once a month.  I would like to swear off weighing myself altogether, but I know it just won’t be possible.

I realized the other day that I was less preoccupied with my weight when I was over 300 lbs.  Food was just food.

I need to learn to trust myself.  I don’t eat out very often and when I do, I usually make a good choice.  I cook in a healthy fashion and I get plenty of exercise.  I binge eat.

The binge eating is why I have trouble maintaining my weight.  I go through cycles of restriction and bingeing and neither is healthy.  Counting POINTS, calories in/out…it’s what’s making me feel horrible about myself.  I constantly feel like what I’m doing is not enough, like I could be doing more, being more.

Enough.

I’ve decided that I’m not going to count calories or log my food.

I’m going to eat mind fully.  I’ve done this before, but never successfully.  I usually notice that I’m eating more and then I panic and I weigh myself.  When I weigh myself, I find I’m heavier than I would like and I begin to restrict.

No more.  I’m good enough.  I can tell how much weight I’ve gained or lost based on what size clothing I’m buying.  Why does a number matter if I am still wearing the same pants I wore last year.  I’m still buying mediums and they look great. 

Maybe this will be a fail, but I don’t think so.  I’ve felt far more relaxed and happy these last few days.  I’m focussing less on food and more on how I feel.  I feel like a load of bricks has been lifted off me and I like it.

Exercise will be key, not because it will keep me thin, but because it will keep me SANE.  I like how I feel when I’m exercising.  My legs look nice and strong, my arms and shoulders get this really nice definition.  I like feeling like I could flee from an attacker without hacking up a lung too.  I have plans to join a half-marathon training group in January (ironically, it’s not the distance running that scares me, it’s the learning to run in the cold that I am dreading) so I think I’m pretty covered.

I want normal.  Now I’m willing to work on getting it.

Advertisements

What Do You Think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s