One Day, I’ll Figure Out What’s Wrong With Me

Standard

Why am I an eating machine on the weekends?

It’s so weird – I manage to stay on track all during the week, even though I’m busy and on the go.  I’m struggling so much lately and this morning I saw an EXTREMELY scary number on the scale.

I know that a lot of it is water weight from eating on the weekend and that tomorrow it will likely be significantly lower but still.  It’s upsetting.  I’m tired of feeling like my clothes are all too tight – tugging on them and feeling constrained is not fun.

I’m sick of this.  I’m sick of letting myself get out of control.

It always comes back to control.  I feel like I’ve got myself on some kind of leash all the time and then I take any opportunity to break free.  I think I actually plan for the times when I’m going to break away and do whatever I want.

Why can’t I “whatever I want” be the desire to sleep all day or ride my bike?  Why does “whatever I want” always come down to eating?  I really try to let go of a perfection mentality, but I can’t seem to lately.  I don’t want to beat myself up over mistakes, but I do anyway.  The entire time I’m doing so, I am reminding myself that I’m only human.

Maybe I really am crazy.  Maybe I need therapy.

In the meantime, I’m trying to recover from a weekend-long work meeting at a fancy hotel.  They fed us constantly and I took full advantage.  The food?  Wasn’t even that good.

The wine was though.

I felt even worse the second day of the meetings – I was hung over and feeling sick from the gross food the day before.  That didn’t stop me from trying to make myself feel better by eating. 

I make the same mistakes over and over and wonder why I don’t get different results.

I think that IS the definition of crazy (see above, I’m correct).

I have to get my act together.  I’m sick of feeling this way and I’ll be darned if I gain back anymore of my weight.  I want to at least maintain through December and then return to my goal weight next year.

If anyone has any advice on how I can do this, I’m all ears.

Advertisements

One response »

  1. Pingback: If You’ve Got It to Give « My Perfect Version of Me

What Do You Think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s