It’s Hard to Feel Sorry For Me…

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You know what’s frustrating?  Trying to make friends as an adult.

See, one story I have yet to tell is how I figured out that I’m gay.  Yep, I’m gay.  It’s weird coming out to…the internet?  Whatever.

Anyway as stories go, it’s not very interesting.  I met a girl, she intrigued me more than she “should” have.  She was gay, I was straight…until I wasn’t.  I put together some puzzles pieces and realized I’ve been gay for a long time, I just wasn’t aware.  It’s upsetting in a way to think you know yourself and then realize that you were ignoring something pretty blatant.

I am an extremely lucky person.  This revelation cost me almost nothing and I gained more than one person might be entitled to.  My family was accepting and although telling them was nerve-wracking, no one reacted badly.  (My grandmother hilariously asked me if it was because I couldn’t meet a nice boy and then asked me if I was sure.  That was quite literally, the worst reaction I got from my family.  I am surrounded by awesome.)  My friends, for the most part, were happy that I was happy and that was that. 

The reason I started telling this story is to bitch.  Irony, you are a hilarious beast.

I don’t have any lesbian friends!  It’s annoying.  I’ve got lots of friends, and I’m pretty sure that all of A’s friends like me well enough.  However, maybe because I wasn’t gay in my teen years or in my partying 20’s, it’s been next to impossible to meet any friends from my “people”.

I don’t actually think that this is a phenomenon exclusive to me and my gayness.  I think this is pretty universal amongst people who are a) not in school and b) not parents.

Where do you go to meet people to make friends?  Work?  I don’t like most of the people I work with.  That sounds horrible, but it’s true.  I don’t HATE them, I just don’t want to be friends with them.  Bars?  I go to my local pub once a week for trivia night and I’ve met some awesome people there, and we do occasionally hang out.

They are not lesbians though.  So even though I know how to make friends, I obviously am lacking exposure to the very group I want to infiltrate.  I’m certain if I just met some of my kind, they would love me.  I’m clearly adorable.  I’m going to have to figure this out because although I love my straight friends, there is a part of me that wants to hang out with people I have something pretty fundamental in common with.  At least some of the time.  I’d at least like the option.

I think this may be the weirdest thing I’ve ever written.  Or thought.  But it keeps bothering me, so there must be something to it.  It just makes me feel like an asshole seeing this in black and white.  I may come back and delete this.  We’ll see.

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